Ariana Grande revealed in an interview with Vogue that while she was in the process of recording “Thank U, Next,” she was still grieving over the death of the late Mac Miller.

“My friends know how much solace music brings me, so I think it was an all-around, let’s-get-her-there type situation,” she said of them rushing her to Jungle City Studios to record the song.

However, memories of the sessions are blurry at best.

“But if I’m completely honest, I don’t remember those months of my life because I was (a) so drunk and (b) so sad,” she explained. “I don’t really remember how it started or how it finished, or how all of a sudden there were 10 songs on the board.”

She continued: “I think that this is the first album and also the first year of my life where I’m realizing that I can no longer put off spending time with myself, just as me. I’ve been boo’d up my entire adult life. I’ve always had someone to say goodnight to. So ‘Thank U, Next’ was this moment of self-realization. It was this scary moment of ‘Wow, you have to face all this stuff now. No more distractions. You have to heal all this s–t.’”

Read more at Vogue.