Ellen Pompeo revealed that for the first 10 years Grey’s Anatomy was on the air, it was a toxic work environment.

“The first 10 years we had serious culture issues, very bad behavior, really toxic work environment,” she told Variety of the show, which is celebrating 14 years on the air.

When asked if there was ever a moment she wanted to leave the show, she answered, “There were many moments. It’s funny: I never wanted off the bus in the year that I could get off.”

However, things changed when she had children. “It became no longer about me,” she said. “At 40 years old, where am I ever going to get this kind of money? I need to take care of my kids.”

There’s no question throughout the years, Grey’s Anatomy had its fair share of scandals. Still, Ellen kept moving forward.

“It became my goal to have an experience there that I could be happy and proud about, because we had so much turmoil for 10 years,” she said. “My mission became, this can’t be fantastic to the public and a disaster behind the scenes. Shonda Rhimes and I decided to rewrite the ending of this story. That’s what’s kept me.”

These days, Ellen is making a $10 million-per-year deal with the network. She definitely seems to be pretty happy!