Lamar Odom’s memoir Darkness to Light is revealing more and more about the darkness of substance abuse.

In a disturbing excerpt from the book, which is now available for purchase, Lamar says he once threatened to kill ex-wife Khloé Kardashian while he was high on cocaine and ecstasy in his “man cave.”

Khloé had called his friends over to intervene because he was hallucinating, then, he writes, “At that point, I couldn’t tell reality from fantasy. I was on ecstasy and coke. I was sure that people were coming for me. They wanted to get me.”

He even thought that there were microphones in his walls, so he “took a golf club and swung away. I began smashing the walls to find them.”

He later said that “Khloé came down and knocked on the door. I opened it suddenly and grabbed her forcefully by the shoulders, which frightened her.”

He continued: “What the f— are you doing?’ I screamed, out of my mind. ‘You trying to embarrass me in front of my friends? I’ll f—— kill you! You don’t know what I’m capable of!’”

“I was embarrassed and ashamed,” he wrote. “It was a new low for our relationship and my life… the most regrettable moment in a series of regrettable moments.”