In an emotional essay for Nylon, Evan Rachel Wood opened up about how years of abuse pushed her to seek help and check into a psychiatric hospital.

The big wakeup call was when she attempted suicide at 22.

“Looking back, it was the worst, best thing that ever happened to me,” she began. “It was morning; I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. Then with an almost hysterical acceptance, without thinking, I picked up the phone. It was one of those moments when you have a choice that goes beyond the initial choice you make by calling out for help: You can not die, or you can come back to life.” 

“‘Mom?… It’s me… I just tried to kill myself… I need to go to a hospital,’” she said, recounting the call she made to her mother. “When I said I needed to go to a hospital, I did not mean I needed to go for any physical injuries I may or may not have had. I meant a hospital for my state of mind.”

The actress explained that knowing she would soon be getting help felt freeing: “The beautiful thing about being at the bottom is there is nowhere to go but up. I wasn’t supposed to be alive, so nothing I did at that point mattered. I had already proven to myself nothing mattered. So, I may as well surrender.”

Read her moving essay HERE.