In a new interview with Porter magazine, Melanie Griffith spoke candidly about her battle with addiction.

The actress said that despite her struggles, her focus was always on her three children, Alexander Bauer, Stella Banderas, and Dakota Johnson. According to People, Melanie told Porter, “I didn’t do some things I probably should have done but, mostly, I was there for my kids. They had a sort of privileged gypsy life.”

Melanie’s first stint in rehab was in 1988, after revealing that she was struggling with cocaine and alcohol dependency. She entered rehab a second time in 2009. The 59-year-old told Porter that even though they eventually split, Dakota’s father Don Johnson supported her during and after her first attempt to get sober. She said,  “Don was actually waiting for me when I got out of rehab [the first time]. We got back together; it was the most natural, perfect, loving thing. Then it just sort of wasn’t working. I think it’s hard when you are both in the public eye, unless one of you gives up work.”

As for her failed marriage to Antonio Banderas, Melanie takes the blame. She said, “I think part of the reason my marriage to Antonio fell apart was because I was stuck; nobody else is to blame. It’s just that I personally got stuck and I won’t let that happen again, I want to enjoy life, I want to do whatever I want to do.”

The star addressed her drastically changing looks, explaining that she didn’t understand how different she looked until people vocalized their shock. She said, “… I didn’t [realize] until people started saying. ‘Oh my god, what has she done?!’ I was so hurt I went to a different doctor and he started dissolving all of this s–t that this other woman doctor had put in. Hopefully, I look more normal now.”

As for her dating life, Melanie is a bit more reserved these days. She shared, “I’m shy with men now, very reticent … nobody has asked me on a date [for almost two years].”