Lamar Odom just revealed that his ex-wife Khloe Kardashian apparently knew about his cocaine use during the last two years of their marriage and seemed to tolerate it, but it was like a “knife in her heart” when she found out he was being doing drugs with another woman.

“She caught me in a sleazy motel room in L.A. getting high with this one girl,” he told Us Weekly. “It was atrocious. Looking back, I’m like, ‘What are you doing?” That was like sticking a knife in her heart and twisting it. She didn’t deserve it. She always tried to help me with the drugs. I rejected the help.”

Lamar also said Khloe caught him using drugs in their own in home in 2011: “She knew I was doing cocaine the whole time after that. It was my drug of choice,” he said. “I’m not going to say she accepted it because that would be the wrong word. Tolerated would be a better word. I was hiding it for a while, but then I got frustrated and was like, ‘F**k it.’ I was in the man cave she had made for me and she caught me. She was disappointed. So was I. The sad thing about it is, I don’t know if I was disappointed because I was actually doing the drug or because she caught me.”

The former NBA star had a near-fatal collapse at a Las Vegas brothel in October 2015, but insisted he wasn’t on drugs or alcohol at the time. He woke up four days later in a hospital.

“I was home by myself. Bored,” he recalled. “I wanted to get out and have a good time. Looking back, I might have had a drink to get the mood started, but was I drunk or on drugs? Not at all. I remember lying in bed. Two women were in bed and then I fell asleep. That’s all. When I woke up four days later, I was trying to pull the tubes out of my mouth.”

He woke up to Khloe by his side:

“It was definitely a moment of relief. I didn’t even know what had just happened. I mean, I’m a big strong dude who has made it to the highest level of doing what he loves. And now I can’t walk or talk. She was the first thing I saw. She said, ‘Hi, Mookah.’ Mookah is a name my mother used to call me. She said it to let me know I wasn’t dead. She played a major role in me getting my memory back. She would bring pictures of my mother and my grandmother. I kept thinking, Am I paralyzed forever? Am I mute forever? It was scary s**t. Faith got me through.”

He continued: “Honestly, at that time I was just blessed to be around her. I wasn’t making any more out of it than that. We haven’t been intimate in years. My daughter gave me the ultimatum to go. She said, ‘Pops, you get help or I won’t talk to you.’ I think she saw it in my behavior. Coke is a real psychological drug. You can be getting high and feeling great and then on the way down cursing yourself out. So I think it was one of those moments on the way down. This last time I checked into rehab, I was able to stay the whole 30 days and get the most out of it. I learned about addiction and that it’s a brain disease. The choices we make when our brain is diseased are involuntary. So it was important and life-changing.”

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