Girls star Zosia Mamet (daughter of renowned playwright David Mamet) penned an essay in honor of International Women’s Day for Refinery 29 where she describes her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend. She also describes an encounter that shook her confidence to the extreme.

“I found myself comforting a man who had just told me my ambition, my dreams, my chosen path — EVERYTHING THAT I HAD BEEN WORKING TOWARDS SINCE I WAS A CHILD — was hurtful to him,” she wrote, “that I was wrong for having these dreams, these hopes, these goals … and for working hard at them because that made me a bad girlfriend. Right?”

Zosia said her ex was a director of photography and always chastised her for being needy, just because she wanted to see him. “So let’s break this down into its simplest form,” she continued. “When he put everything he had into his career and left nothing for me or our relationship, he was just doing his job and I should understand. But when I so much mentioned a career opportunity, I was a heartless heartbreaking bitch.”

The relationship ended 10 years ago, and she says it wasn’t her only experience dealing with these kinds of relationships. And it won’t be her last. However, it will be the last time she “pretzels” into what these men want her to be.

“At every turn, we as women are being told we are too ‘something.’ Once, on the same day, I was given feedback for two separate projects. In the span of one hour I was told, ‘they said you’re too pretty to play the best friend,’ and ‘they said you’re just not SEXY enough,’” she described. “We are too much or too little. We are being held to and scrutinized under truly unachievable standards. This rarely, if every happens to men…

“I have since grown from a girl into a confident woman who knows my own worth, with a husband who wholly supports and encourages my dreams. Reflecting on my personal journey, I’ve come to realize the changes that can and need to happen both here at home and globally for women’s rights. I have a voice and I’m gonna use it as a megaphone. Ladies — we have serious work to do.”