Bella Thorne recently shared a poem from her book, The Life of a Wannabe Mogul, where she addressed her own insecurities that stem from her childhood. In the excerpt, she shares that she’s “figuring” out her life as she fights the demons from her past — including being molested as a child.

Bella explains that she needs “validation from everyone but mostly men,” and that while people tell her to be happy as a single woman, it sounds terrifying because “all I want is him. I want him to hold me, I want him to love me, I want him to tell me it’s ok, I want him to look me in the eyes and let me know I’m accepted. Why? Because I can’t accept myself.”

“And if it’s not him I just look for the ‘next’ him, or her. Why can’t I just look for the next me?” she wrote. “Find me and accept me. Was it because I was molested my whole life. Exposed to sex at such a young age it’s all I know how to offer to the world…or is it because I was raised to think I wasn’t good enough. Not good enough for her or anything else. But it doesn’t matter what happened to me.. What matters is what’s happening to me right now.”

Bella recently came out as pansexual earlier this year and is currently dating Benjamin Mascolo.

In the post, when it comes to any external conflict with men, she says she has to work through her issues herself: “All I can do is blame me. I blame me for not loving myself. I blame me for not thinking I’m attractive, I blame me for putting this on everyone around me,” she wrote.

“Expecting people to love me enough for me to love myself. But at the end of the day that will never happen. Because the only way to get to your end goal is to work through it. Not around or above or try and find a cheat code so you don’t have to hurt as much.”