Um… Lamar Odom’s new memoir, Darkness To Light, is EVERYTHING! Seriously, we’re learning so much about his life, especially pertaining to his drug addiction.

In the book, he writes about a time in 2004 when he was offered a spot on the U.S. Men’s Olympic basketball team, which he describes as “one of the biggest honors in my career,” according to an excerpt from People.

However, he continues, “the joy of being named to the twelve-man roster quickly turned to anxiety when Olympic officials informed me that I would have to pass a drug test before officially joining the team.”

Lamar has made it no secret that he was heavy into drugs during this time. If he didn’t pass the test, not only would he have been disqualified from competing in the Olympics, but it might have also ruined his NBA career.

He eventually received a call that a “drug tester would be coming to my house in a few days to administer the screening,” he writes. “There was absolutely no way I was going to pass. I’d been smoking weed every day that summer. Panic set in.”

That’s when he googled “fake penises” and “studied different ways to beat a drug test,” he explains. “After an exhaustive search we ordered a giant, rubber, black c— to arrive the next day.”

Then, he recruited his drug-free trainer to pee into the reservoir of the phallus, “which was hidden in the balls,” he adds.

You can imagine what happened next. The tester came and stood two feet away from Lamar as he pretended to pee in the cup (it was slipped through the zipper in his pants).

Afterward, Lamar says, “He stuck a thermometer in the cup to gauge the temperature … satisfied that the pee was mine, said ‘Welcome to Team USA.'”

We just can’t with this… but also, LOL!