Sophie Turner basically grew up before our eyes on HBO’s Game of Thrones. But now the young actress is saying the experience wasn’t exactly easy.

As she told Dr. Phil on his podcast, the immediate fame the show brought to her life also came with a lot of criticism — criticism that turned so ugly, she once contemplated killing herself.

“Everything was incredible, it only started to go downhill I think when I started to hit puberty and really puberty at like 17 and my metabolism was slowing down massively and I was gaining weight,” she said. “And there was the social media scrutiny and everything and that was when it kind of hit me.”

“The biggest challenge for me is just getting out of bed and getting out of the house, and learning to love yourself is the biggest challenge I think,” she shared of going through a deep depression. “I had no motivation to do anything or go out. Even with my best friends … I would cry and cry and cry.”

That depression eventually turned into suicidal thoughts.

“It’s weird. I say I wasn’t very depressed when I was younger, but I used to think about suicide a lot when I was younger. I don’t know why though,” she explained. “Maybe it’s just a weird fascination I used to have, but yeah, I used to think about it. I don’t think I ever would have gone through with it. I don’t know.”