Demi Lovato is always going to be honest about her mental state, including her early years. The singer sat down with Dr. Phil and had a candid discussion.

“The very first time I was suicidal was when I was seven. I had this fascination with death,” the singer shared. “I have experienced things that I have not talked about, and I don’t know if I ever will talk about. But at seven, I knew that if I were to take my own life, that the pain would end.”

Lovato explained that the thought of suicide “came back when I was bullied,” and during several other periods in her life when she was dealing with emotional turmoil and trauma. “It came back several times — when I was struggling with depression, my bipolar disorder. And there was a while there when my mom was afraid to wake me up in the mornings because she didn’t know if she opened the door if I would be alive or not,” Lovato said. “Because every time I cut, it got deeper and deeper.”