Ryan O’Callaghan is speaking out to help others.

The former Chiefs and Patriots offensive lineman has come out as gay, and has opened up big time about the internal struggle that almost cost him his life. During an interview with Cyd Zeigler of Outsports, the athlete revealed that he had planned to kill himself after his NFL career ended. He said:

“As long as there are people killing themselves because they are gay, there is a reason for people like me to share my story and try to help. People need to understand that we are everywhere. We’re your sons, your daughters, your teammates, your neighbors. And honestly, even some of your husbands and wives. You just don’t know it yet.”

Though Ryan doesn’t remember hearing gay slurs in the locker room, he felt pressure to pretend to be straight during his 6 seasons with the NFL. He said:

“There is so much talk about women in the locker room, even in the NFL. I’d just turn around and ignore it. I figured I couldn’t even talk about it well, like they would see through me if I did.”

When he finally opened up to Chiefs’ Genereal Manager, Scott Pioli, he was surprised by the reaction he received. Scott said:

“People like me are supposed to react a certain way, I guess. I wasn’t minimizing what he was telling me, but I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. He built this up and built this up to the point where he said he was nearly suicidal. What Ryan didn’t know is how many gay people I’ve had in my life.”

As Ryan came out to family and friends, he continued to receive support. He shared:

“Was it great at the beginning? No. Did everyone totally understand what it meant to be gay? No. But they knew what my alternative was. I told people close to me that I planned on killing myself. So at that point, no one cared. They were just happy that I was alive.”

As hard as it was, he knows it was the right choice. He said:

“It’s not always easy being honest, but I can tell you it’s much easier and more enjoyable being yourself and not living a lie.”